Principal Tonya King denied junior Jim Stack request to grow out his hair for charity due to the school dress code. The school board is having a meeting on this issue Monday.
“Had I approved Jim’s request, then I would have students everyday asking if they could break the dress code,”King said.
The school’s dress code states that male students’ hair must not be longer than collar-length and must be of a natural color.
“Donating my hair to Locks of Love is a very special project to me,” Stack said. “She[ the president of Locks of Love] said the best way I could help would be to grow my hair long and donate it.”
The group Locks of Love requires at least 10 inches of hair for donation, it would take between a year and 18 months for Stack to grow out his hair. Stack agreed he would tuck his hair inside his shirt to no distract students if allowed to grow out his hair.
“He could have a fundraiser and donate the money to the organization. principal King said. “I would be more than willing to help with the fundraiser.”
Locks of love receives about 200 requests from families who cannot afford a wig, and every month they have to turn down about 150 of these requests.
“I hope the board approves my request,” said Stack.
The student council wrote a letter to the school board in support of stack. The letter was signed by 350 students. The council listed 150 students who were willing to grow their hair to donate it to Locks of Love. Seventy-eight of the 150 students were male.
“I can’t comment on this issue right now,” school board president, Bill Valdez said. “We will discuss it at the board meeting next week .”
Good job!
Things you can fix:
In the first sentence, junior Jim STACK’S request to grow out his hair… Stack needed an “s” at the end. In the same sentence, “do to” would need to be “due to.”
In your third paragraph, the quotes you put together don’t really flow with each other.
In your fourth paragraph, you didn’t put a closed quote on the end of your quote. Also, the “l” in “love” should be capitalized.
In your fifth paragraph, “said Stack” should be “Stack said.”(or Mrs. Davis will go CRAZY!)
Good things:
Overall, your article was very good! Your lead was short and sweet just like it is supposed to be. Most everything flowed together very well and you chose good strong quotes!
Good job!
-Sydney S.
Principal Tonya King denied junior Jim Stack request to grow out his hair for charity do to Leaguetown High School dress code. DON’T NEED LEAGUETOWN. YOU MUST HAVE THE FUTURE EVENT IN THE LEAD.
“Had I approved Jim’s request, then I would have students everyday asking if they could break the dress code,” principal King said.
IT WILL JUST BE KING SAID. ALSO MAKE SURE EACH QUOTE AND EACH TRANSITION IS ITS OWN PARAGRAPH.
The school’s dress code states that male students’ hair must not be longer than collar-length and must be of a natural color.
“Donating my hair to Locks of Love is a very special project to me,” Stack said. “She [the president of Locks of Love] said the best way I could help would be to grow my hair long and donate it.”
The group Locks of Love requires at least 10 inches of hair for donation. YOU COULD INCLUDE HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE HIM TO GROW IT OUT AND THAT HE OFFERED TO TUCK IT INTO HIS SHIRT.
“He could have a fundraiser and donate the money to the organization. principal King said. “I would be more than willing to help with the fundraiser.”
Locks of love receives about 200 requests from families who cannot afford a wig, and every month they have to turn down about 150 of these requests.
“I hope the board approves my request,” said Stack.
The student council wrote a letter to the school board in support of stack. The letter was signed by 350 students. The council listed 150 students who were willing to grow their hair to donate it to Locks of Love. Seventy-eight of the 150 students were male. GOOD
“I can’t comment on this issue right now,” School board president, Bill Valdez said. “We will discuss it at the board meeting next week .”
GREAT FIRST ATTEMPT. JUST A FEW CHANGES.